Rootless Tree

,, No, I had to fall for this. I had to fall for you. When nothing feels right I go back in time and remember how it felt the first time I realized… But then my brain screams: It’s wrong, you fool! And then I try to push it out. It’s just that time of year. It brings a lot of intense emotions. Searching for excuses to masquerade the fact I have fallen for you long before I realized. And it makes me cry. It even makes me shout. Cause this thing right here can’t be. It’s not right. But I’ll fight the world for you. Each time our eyes meet I just wonder can you see this thing I feel… No way! I can’t say it. It’s a road to hell, you and me. Even if it stops for a second, for a minute, I know seeing you will only bring it back all at once, twice as hard. I can’t have peace. From your eyes, the mimic of your face to those lips; kindness of your heart and all the deception it survived. All I see is all I won’t have. It’s more than physical, gets me higher than any drug. Mentally I am yours. Raw and true, we build our tower on sandy grounds because we don’t believe. All this analyzing… spinning circles in my mind; will I read between the lines? Will I suddenly find you here by my side? All these questions… And then they say I should wait. Wait for what? You don’t know how to feel, do you?  You do feel the same, don’t you? But it’s wrong, oh so wrong… and it could ruin worlds.

As I whisper so slowly in my mind all those things I never said I wonder is this you telling me to wait… Is this me standing on a crossroad between reality and raw love? Can I hang onto the feeling I have when I am next to you?

Oh! Snap out of it, you fool! Get over it, idiot! I tell myself whatever I need so I feel in control. So I feel like this thing right here is just something that needs to die.

Let’s never speak of it again. ‘’

Sometimes, like today, when I listen to Damien I feel this raw emotion, so powerful it could kill me. I smile a bit, dream with my eyes wide open… and I forget what a sarcastic bitch I can be. Past, I forgive you if you forgive me. Present, I embrace thee. Who says music can’t make your imagination run wild?

With love,

Cuca